It’s completely normal to have lost the “butterflies in your stomach” feeling and to feel more or less in love nowadays with your partner, but when the feelings of loneliness start to overweigh the feelings of affection towards him or her, this can pose as a real threat for the future outlook of your relationship with them.

Even if you have already made a list in your mind about the things that you dislike about your partner and try to overlook it, somehow you still feel that you cannot reignite the initial flame that brought you together in the first place. Although you still want to reconnect with your partner, falling back in love with him or her can seem at first a difficult and challenging task to accomplish.

How you see your relationship with your partner is how you live it, and the sum of the experiences you shared together in it shape it. You, and only you, determine the quality of your perceptions regarding the world around you. If you choose to see your partner’s mishaps as being intentionally negative, you will stay blocked in the limited negativity that you yourself created around him or her, but if you choose to overlook the bad side and weigh in more of the positive aspects, chances are that sparks will start flowing again in your love life.

Here are some tips on how to fall back in love with your partner:

Be less critical of your spouse

One of the main reasons why most people tend to criticize their partners is because they tend to feel devalued by them in both behavior and attitude. Your partner is human, and all humans have their flaws and mood swings. Try to gain the upper hand in your quest to fall back in love with your partner. Focus on being more compassionate and interested in him or her, instead of always being edgy and critical on their actions.

More intimacy

Physical contact has always been the best connection enhancer. Chemically speaking, when we embrace our partners or engage in intimate acts with them, we release oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of care and commitment, which also automatically makes us bond better with each other. Even by just holding hands or by hugging, oxytocin is released and can spark a loving feeling for both sides. Often sharing an intimate bond with your partner is an effective way of reigniting the love you share for one another, as well as an effective stress reliever. Try to spice things up.

Talk more with each other

One of the biggest and most prevailing problems that couples encounter in their relationships span is communication. Try to pierce the surface of the small talk and daily chitchat that you have with your partner, and try to understand in more depth how they are actually feeling or thinking by showing a keen and honest interest in them. The magic about people is that there is always something new to discover about them. Words are part of the spell that will gradually reignite the spark between you and your partner and make you fall in love with each other again.

Try to laugh more

When was the last time you had a good laugh with your partner? Sharing joyful and funny experiences with one another is an effective bondage tool that you can use at the end of the day.

Remember who you were

People who try to reconnect with their partners often times also subconsciously try to do the same with their former selves, with the ones whom their partners fell in love with in the first place. Try to note that this doesn’t mean pretending to be your younger self. People naturally evolve and grow into better individuals over the years, but the point of recollecting your former self is to to break the boundaries, limitations and insecurities that you have built over the years, and to remember the uninhibited you that you were at the time when you first met your partner.

Remember that your attitude is your only limit. If you believe that you can’t fall back in love with your partner, then odds are that you won’t. The only things that you have absolute control over in this world are your actions and your own perception of the things and people around you.